


grattis på födelsedagen peppar!

by grattispeppar



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Baby shark, Christmas, Family Dynamics, Long hair Near
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21723859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grattispeppar/pseuds/grattispeppar
Summary: this is for peppar, no one else read this
Relationships: L/Matsuda Touta
Kudos: 18





	grattis på födelsedagen peppar!

It was early morning on the 25th of December. The moon shone white over the snow-covered landscape, and it would be a few hours yet until darkness scattered, and the gleaming Christmas day revealed itself. The black sky lay heavy over heaths and fields, and over the impressive manor nestled among the hills. It had clearly been built for a large family with an army of servants, but on this morning only three people resided in the house. On the bottom floor the light was on in the kitchen windows, and standing outside looking in, one could see a slightly hunched silhouette moving back and forth in there. One floor up, where the remaining two inhabitants of the house were settled, the lights were still off. One of these inhabitants, a man named Touta Matsuda, was just in the process of waking up from a deep sleep. He slowly opened his eyes, and squinted in the dark of the room toward the empty space beside him in the double bed. The pillows and scrunched up covers formed soft white hills, mirroring the country outside. 

Matsuda was used to waking up alone. Even though them being together had started to give L a slightly more average circadian rhythm, and they often fell asleep together, L rarely slept as long or as regularly as Matsuda. A clicking noise and faint light from the other side of the room revealed that he was currently up and working at his computer. Matsuda sat up in bed, and the rustling made L turn around.

“Good morning, love”, he said, and Matsuda noticed that he’d already gotten himself a cup of tea that he was stirring. He wondered if Watari had brought it in so early, or whether L had gone down to the kitchen himself and made it. Then he didn’t have time to think anything else before L had padded over to him and crept under his covers. 

“AAhhh”, Matsuda yelled. “Your feet are like ice!”

“And you’re disturbingly warm”, said L, snuggling up against Matsuda. “You’d better take off these covers”.

“Nnnnooo”, Matsuda whined, wrapping the covers even tighter around himself and his boyfriend. L wriggled around a little on top of Matsuda, before settling down flat against him, with his head on Matsuda’s chest. Matsuda put his arms around L and leaned his face into his hair. L’s head rose and fell slowly in time with Matsuda’s breath. They lay cuddling like that for a long while before there was a light knock upon the door. L rolled off Matsuda and said: “Come in”. Naturally, it was Watari, who came through the door carrying an impressive breakfast tray. Between his hands rose a steaming silver pitcher, full of what would later turn out to be coffee, beautifully sliced fruit, croissants and, on a small plate, a fried egg (for Matsuda). The silverware, earthenware and the tray itself looked like priceless heirlooms. “Eh, thanks”, Matsuda said with embarrassment as Watari placed the tray on a side table next to their bed. L followed Watari to the door to exchange some words, presumably about L’s work, out of Matsuda’s ear-shot.

It was a still a strange experience to be served by Watari as he served L, and Matsuda wasn’t altogether used to the old man’s more or less constant presence yet. As the one who was closest to L in his work, as well as his personal assistant and father figure, he was undoubtedly the single most important person in L’s life. It wasn’t that Matsuda was jealous of Watari, but he was well aware that L entrusted himself to Watari in a way that he would never be able to do with Matsuda. Their communication was direct, intuitive, never faltering like L and Matsuda’s could be. When L was most consumed by his work, Watari had access to his world, a world Matsuda had one time been a part of, but was now excluded from. In exchange he had gotten another part of L, their own shockingly domestic private sphere, which Matsuda hoped was at least not much less important to L than his professional life. Granted, Watari was not exactly excluded from this sphere either, although both he and L seemed to have a tremendous respect for each other’s need for privacy, as well as Matsuda’s. Together L and Matsuda had carved out pockets of time and space for a life together, in which Watari did occasionally pop in to serve them breakfast. Matsuda felt a little awkward being treated like a superior by this genius billionaire who in fact owned the house they were currently staying in. “Has it not occurred to you”, said L in between bites of his croissant, crumbs flying everywhere, “that he is simply treating you like a good host ought to treat a valued guest?”

Matsuda pondered this while sipping his coffee. “Well...but he’s doing so much for us. Cooking everything, and keeping the house. It’s one thing that he does it for you but I’m...well I’m not his ward or anything. Shouldn’t I at least be helping out?” 

L smiled slightly above the rim of his cup. “Well Matsuda”, he said, “you are welcome to offer your help with christmas dinner”. Matsuda frowned. He wasn’t really a big fan of cooking or doing housework. And as much as he liked and respected Watari, they hadn’t spent a lot of one-on-one time together. “But”, L said, “I do think he genuinely enjoys cooking for us. Especially for Christmas.” L bit into a slice of cantaloupe, and added, as an afterthought: “He does love Christmas.”

To anyone who had seen the inside of the house on that December morning, that much was obvious. Every part of it, from the entrance to the bathroom had been meticulously covered in every thinkable variation of Christmas paraphernalia. As L and Matsuda descended the staircase and entered the living room, they were greeted by a very large and lush fir tree. This, curiously, was the only thing in the house that hadn’t been decorated, but Matsuda soon noticed the wooden chest at the foot of it, overflowing with garlands, baubles and lights.

“Oh, are we going to decorate it today?”, he asked. 

“Yes”, answered Watari, entering the room, “I thought you might enjoy that”. Matsuda felt his face heating up at that. Watari was clearly addressing him, but why the old man thought that he in particular would enjoy decorating a Christmas tree. Perhaps he assumed, correctly, that Matsuda had never done that before, and in truth the thought of hanging up those beautiful decorations together with L did seem pleasing to him. Nevertheless, he felt a bit humiliated, like Watari saw him as a child that needed to be entertained with glitter and flashes of colour. He tried to laugh off this feeling, and to answer cheerfully.

“Uh, sure! But shouldn’t we wait for Near and Mello to arrive?”

“We can start without them”, L replied. Watari left the room again, presumably to continue with dinner, and L crouched down next to the chest. “Let’s start with the lights”, he said.

After much cursing and struggling to first untangle, then drape the strings of electric lights, getting pricked innumerable times, Matsuda felt just about done with decorating the tree. He was sweating, and had rolled up the sleeves of his sweater. L, undeterred by the ordeal, started picking through the smaller decorations. He lifted one up high for inspection, so that it dangled from between his thumb and index finger. It was an angel. Blonde, clad in a white gown lined with some kind of white, sparkly fluff, with large, white wings constructed from the same material. Though clearly made by a child, it had something dazzlingly beautiful about it. Matsuda, leaning in to get a closer look, was struck by the absolute serenity expressed by its little face, with its downcast eyes and gently upturned mouth. “Did you make that?”, he asked. 

“No”, L answered. “I’ve never made anything like this. Looks a bit like one of Near’s creations, don’t you think?” There was indeed something reminiscent of Near’s craftsmanship in the angel, and Matsuda tried to imagine him as a child, carefully attaching the wings to the robe, hot glue gun and sparkles in hand. Childlike as he sometimes seemed, it was still hard to imagine him doing something as everyday as crafting holiday decorations. Nothing about any of the Wammy kids exactly screamed ‘normal childhood’. 

“Did you- I mean did the kids usually do things like this? For Christmas?” Matsuda asked L, who was now considering the angel’s placement on the tree. 

“Well, they were encouraged to explore all of their talents, including art. Anything that could be useful. Near was always particularly creative in that way. I think I might have been convinced to make something like this myself one year”. He trailed off, rummaging through the chest, and soon retrieved a clear zip-lock bag from it, which protected a couple of spherical paper constructions. L took one of them out of the bag and held it up for Matsuda’s inspection. It was an intricately folded mesh of white paper strips, forming an orb which, attached to a loop of string, functioned like a bauble. It was made of plain white paper, and its delicacy was reminiscent of a snowflake. “It’s very pretty”. “Thank you”, said L and smiled so sweetly at this that Matsuda felt like his heart would beam out of his chest. More than ever he wished he could have spent this holiday alone with L. Overwhelmed, he turned his gaze to the remaining contents of the plastic bag L was holding. They consisted of two very similar paper orbs, one white and one multicoloured, the colours interweaving to create a pleasing pattern. 

L noticed where he was looking. “I only remember making one of these”. Matsuda fished out the one with the colours from the bag and turned it over in his hands. On one of the pieces of paper which formed little pointed edges around the ornament, Matsuda saw something scribbled in ballpoint pen. Looking closer he saw that it was an “M”. 

“Look”, he said, showing L the letter, “it’s M for Matsuda”. L was quiet for a second, before chuckling. “Silly”, he said, batting Matsuda lightly on the arm. Just then the doorbell rang loud and clear through the house. “That’ll be them”, said L. “Wait”, said Matsuda, even though L had made no attempt to move from his spot. He grabbed L’s arm and brought their faces together until they were gently kissing each other. He was willing time to stop so that they could stay in this space of quiet intimacy, uninterrupted by festivities and family, work, responsibilities, questions of legacy. Just the two of them in this room, with the lights and the tree. 

They broke off the kiss just before Mello burst into the room, Near following shortly behind him. Taking in the room, a flurry of expressions flashed across Mello’s face: first, excitement laced with dread; a warm look of wonder at the comforting beauty of the room; distaste and embarrassment upon seeing L and Matsuda embracing, and discomfort and contempt upon seeing Matsuda in general. Finally it froze in a grimace of shame and anger as his eyes settled on the ornament Matsuda was still clutching in one hand. He quickly looked away from it, and smoothed his face into a mask of disinterest. “Hi L”, he said flatly. They all exchanged some awkward greetings, after which Mello swiftly convinced L to join him in the dining room to discuss something, leaving Near and Matsuda alone together.

Since the closing of the Kira case, after which L and Matsuda’s relationship had been entirely separated from their professional life, Matsuda had only met his two successors on a few occasions. To his surprise he had found that he got along fine with Near, who seemed to be the most distant from L out of the two. Perhaps that was the reason why: because Near didn’t care for L’s attention, he didn’t see Matsuda as a rival for it. Mello on the other hand seemed to not only regard Matsuda’s relationship to L with hostility, but also to dislike him on a personal level. 

Matsuda looked at the thing he was holding, feeling distinctly like an intruder. No wonder Mello wasn’t pleased to see him putting up his handmade decorations and feeling up his childhood hero. Both Near and Mello had a greater claim on this house and this holiday than he did, and here he was the one getting his fingerprints all over it. 

“I remember when he made that”, Near suddenly said. He had moved soundlessly and was now standing next to Matsuda. He extended his hand, and Matsuda quickly placed the paper orb in his palm. “He worked so hard on it. Roger had showed us one that L had made sometime, and Mello wanted to make one just like it.” Matsuda instinctively held up the original construction next to Mello’s for comparison. “Well, he succeeded”, Matsuda observed. “It was the same year I made that”. Near pointed at the angel, which was hanging from the tree at his eye-level. “Roger was very impressed with it. He went around showing it to the teachers.” 

Near reached out and took the angel from its place. He held it out to Matsuda and lifted up its little gown, revealing a jagged crack across the middle of its body, as if it had been broken in two and then glued together again. “He was really upset. He’d tried so hard but he’d gone about it all wrong. That’s what Roger said. You’re not supposed to just copy L, you’re supposed to surpass him.” Near was addressing all this to angel, which he was cradling in his hands. “But he didn’t just copy L. He added something. He could never resist adding his own flair to things.” Near was looking so intently at the angel now and Matsuda didn’t know how to respond. Bizarrely, he felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “Both of your– uh, both of your work is beautiful”, he blurted out. Near looked up at him, his expression impossible to read. Then one corner of his mouth quirked upward. “Thank you, Matsuda.” 

Apparently, the relationship between the two heirs had changed dramatically since their days at the orphanage. L had told Matsuda about the intense rivalry between them, and Mello’s extreme resistance to working with Near initially. He had only agreed, said L, because he was convinced it was the final test, to determine which of them was best suited to assume the role of successor. It had taken him some time to accept that the battle he had been fighting up until that point, could simply fizzle out into nothing, with no victor and no loser. He was still fighting like two cats in a bag, just no longer so intensely against Near. Although the antagonism still flared up from time to time, there was also a kind of begrudging affection now.

Matsuda observed the two of them, Mello sitting on the opposite couch from him and Near on the floor in front of Mello. They were talking together in hushed voices, while Mello was absent-mindedly braiding the ends of Near’s long hair. The five of them had just finished the elaborate meal Watari had spent so long preparing, and the dinner, although tense, had gone more-or-less smoothly. Watari had made polite small-talk with everyone, and made an effort to include Matsuda in the discussion, which was embarrassing but still a relief. Mello had generally avoided talking to Matsuda, and occasionally shot him daggers across the table, but had made animated conversation with the other three. L had skipped straight to desert, which was Christmas cake, and squeezed Matsuda’s hand under the table. Near seemed to be deep in thought or very tired, and had only responded briefly to the other’s enquiries. Now they were all gathered in the living room again, seemingly waiting for the next thing to happen. Suddenly Mello spoke up.

“Hey Watari, does this house have a TV?”

“Of course”, Watari replied, pulling back a tapestry that revealed a very large flat screen TV imbedded in the wall behind it. Mello quickly got off the couch and scurried out of the room. He returned about thirty seconds later clutching a laptop, that he immediately started setting up on the coffee table. Soon he had his desktop displayed on the flat screen, and was bringing something up on his computer. “What are we gonna watch?”, Matsuda asked , eager to understand what was going on. 

“Kalle Ankas Julafton”, Mello replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
“No–”, Near started to protest, but Mello cut him off. “It’s a Swedish Christmas tradition”. 

(A/N: As I’m sure you all remember from Death Note, Wammy’s House was in Sweden). 

“Oh”, Matsuda said. Both L and Watari seemed fine with this abrupt decision, so Matsuda assumed it was just a natural and inevitable part of their Christmas celebrations. He settled into his place on the couch, trying to cuddle up to L discreetly so as not to annoy Mello too much. This was made easier by Watari turning off some of the lights in the room, and Mello’s intense fixation on the TV screen. After whatever it was they were going to watch had started playing, L put his arm around Matsuda, and the latter was glad that no one could see his face in that moment. 

Matsuda was surprised to discover that the traditional Christmas programme was just a collection of scenes from various Disney movies, and as he didn’t understand what was being said, he quickly let his attention drift. First he looked at L, who was dutifully watching the screen, worrying the skin of his thumb as if immensely concentrated. Mello too was watching intently, while Watari seemed to have closed his eyes, although it was hard to tell in the dark and behind his glasses. Near on the other hand had produced an iPad, seemingly out of nowhere, and was watching something with headphones. Mello soon noticed this however, and paused the show to pull the headphones off Near’s ears. 

“Hey! Why aren’t you watching?” 

Near shrugged his shoulders. “We’ve seen it a million times, it’s not good and I’m not interested”. 

“But it’s a Christmas tradition! It doesn’t matter if you don’t like it, you still watch it – that’s the whole point of a tradition!” Near just sighed and looked down at his iPad again, as if getting ready to put it away. 

“What were you watching, Near?” L asked. 

“Just some Youtube videos”. 

“Can I see?”

Near sighed again, a put upon sigh, unplugged his headphones and held up the screen to face L and Matsuda. Tinny, upbeat music blared from the iPad speakers, an unfamiliar Christmas song which was being performed by little cartoon sharks on the screen. 

“Oh my god, why are you watching that??” Mello asked, seemingly outraged. Near shrugged again. “I just think it’s neat”. While Matsuda didn’t understand what it was Near found entertaining about the video, he wasn’t exactly surprised that he would be into something like that. L meanwhile, was half-crawling, half-walking across the space between the two couches to get a closer look at the sharks. “Hm”, he said, as if considering it very seriously, “while at first glance it is quite annoying– I must admit there is something oddly captivating about it”. 

“L!”, Mello exclaimed in despair. Not about to turn to Matsuda for support, he looked instead to Watari, his strongest ally in Christmas tradition-keeping. Watari, however, was asleep. “Uh, I’d love to finish watching the...the thing we were watching”, Matsuda chimed in. “Alright”, L said, quickly crawling back to his spot next to Matsuda, “but Near can watch whatever he wants”. Mello begrudgingly put the show back on, clearly disappointed in how the situation had unfolded. Near, however, put the headphones and tablet down next to him, and leaned back against Mello’s knees. He, again seemingly out of nowhere, produced what looked like a small, hexagonal rubik’s cube, and started twisting it. His gaze was down, so he wasn’t really watching, but Matsuda saw a little pleased smile on Mello’s face. He was glancing down at the back of Near’s head, and his face looked softer than Matsuda had seen it all night– though in the dark it was hard to tell of course. 

The rest of the programme went smoothly, though Matsuda was a little bored. When it was over and they turned the lights back on, Watari woke up with a start. He looked at his watch, and then rushed off, claiming there was something in the kitchen that needed seeing to. Mello and Near were now looking at something together on the iPad, so Matsuda and L took the opportunity to escape for some fresh air. 

They stood out on the patio, shivering, their breaths rising in clouds. Matsuda, who had put on his coat, opened his arms so that he could wrap it around L as well. Now L’s arms were around him under the jacket, their heads nestled close to each other. “Don’t worry about Mello”, L suddenly said, “he going to relax eventually”. 

“I hope so”, Matsuda said, then reconsidered. “But you know...why shouldn’t we worry about him? You know him better than I do, but…he doesn’t seem too happy”. L tensed up a little, then sighed deeply. “I know. But I don’t know how to remedy that.” Matsuda pulled away and looked at L with wide eyes. It wasn’t often that he admitted to being out of his depth on anything. To Matsuda, the key to this problem seemed very clear, and when he opened his mouth, he spoke with a conviction he seldom possessed. “He needs to know that he’s not replaceable to you. That he has a place somewhere that doesn’t depend on if he’s the best or second-best or third-best or anything. And that– that he’s not going to be abandoned if he falls behind.” 

L looked uncertain. “I’m not his parent. We work together.” 

“L”, Matsuda said, “he doesn’t have any family besides you three. And the same goes for Near. And for you. I think you three need to– to support each other.” 

“I have you”, L said. Matsuda’s breath hitched. Did that mean L considered him family? He still had to make his point clear though. 

“Yeah, you– you have me. And”, he hesitated, “I’d like Near and Mello to have me also. Not, not as a parent maybe, but as like a...an uncle maybe. And I’m not saying you should adopt them or anything, just that– you’re already so important in each other’s lives, whether you want to be or not. And that means you could really help them– but you could also really hurt them”. Matsuda exhaled. “Haha, sorry...I don’t really know what I’m saying anymore”. 

L was gazing at him. “You are wiser than you look, Matsuda”. 

“Gee, thanks”. 

L pulled him closer again. “I’m serious. You’re too handsome to be that smart.” Matsuda chuckled and blushed. He still felt a little worried, but better, now that he’d gotten that off his chest. He hoped L would take it into consideration later, but right now he was determined to keep the mood as light as possible. “Also, if you’re not a family, explain why you’re celebrating Christmas together?”

“That’s a good point.” They were silent again for a while, watching the snow fall in the fading daylight. Then Matsuda spoke again. “Is this how you used to celebrate Christmas growing up?”

L paused to consider this. Matsuda noticed snow crystals had gathered in his hair and on his eyelashes. “I’m not sure”, he finally said. “I suppose Wammy’s always celebrated it, but I wasn’t very interested in it myself when I lived there. I do remember getting presents, and being served different sweets. But the whole…”magic and wonder”- aspect…” L trailed off, turning his gaze straight on Matsuda. “You know”, he said, “this is the first time I’ve actually really participated in Christmas.” Matsuda must have looked baffled, because L cocked his head and smiled a little. “What? Does that surprise you? I’m usually working you know. 

“No, it’s just... I’ve never had a Christmas like this before either. In Japan, it’s more of a couple’s holiday.” 

“I know”, said L, interlacing the fingers on one of his hands with Matsuda’s. L was looking intently at him now, and Matsuda’s face suddenly felt very warm. “I wanted to take the time off this year, to celebrate it properly. With you”. 

Matsuda squeezed L’s hand and looked into his eyes, a little shyly. The realization that this wasn’t a part of L’s life that he was being brought into, but an experience they were both having for the first time, together, filled him up almost to the point of tears. It wasn’t perfect. Just like the rest of their lives, it had been somewhat tense, stressful and sad. But somehow Matsuda felt like it was just the awkward beginning to a new chapter– a chapter that L wanted to embark on with him. He was convinced that whatever needed to be overcome, he was ready to take on. 

“Well”, he said, “I’m glad”. And he brought his hand to L’s face, and L’s face to his own, and kissed him.


End file.
